8 Weeks of a broken foot can change a person
Today as I reflect on my long ordeal of a broken foot and how this has affected my life, the pain, the agony, the frustration, there is one scripture that keeps coming to my mind over and over today.
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Phil 4
Verse 13 is one that every Christian has spoken a time or two for sure. But verses 10 – 12 is where I keep landing in my mind. Paul’s circumstances were still a challenge, he just learned to be content in them. I don’t think God did any miraculous change in the things he was experiencing, he just gave him the strength and the wisdom to be content. Now, if I am being honest, I don’t like that part much, I would much rather God just do it my way. But He knows how badly my way would mess things up. Instead I am embracing the fact that in spite of my challenging circumstances, I can still expect that God is going to give me strength for this moment. This is not an easy task, I must take it moment by moment. Like a few minutes ago when I had to crawl up my steps and throw my scooter up them, I was not feeling very content then.
I think too often I tend to look at God and relate to Him in broader terms, like with words like, eternity, and salvation and holiness. What I tend to miss is that God wants to be in my every moment. Even crawling up the steps daily while hurling my scooter behind me. The good ones and bad ones. I will say that this has truly been the most frustrating ordeal of my 45 years and it’s outcome unknown at this point. This injury will likely affect me for the rest of my life, in the form of pain and limitations. Now, those of you who know me well, know that I don’t deal with limitations. I don’t like being told I can’t, and I surly don’t want to be told your body won’t do that anymore. So to say that this is a challenge would be an understatement.
But what does God want from me in this.
What is He screaming and whispering to me during this time. Did you ever think about that, sometimes God has to scream and whispers to get our attention. Honestly, sometimes I just want God to heal me rather than teach me through this because that would be a whole lot easier in my estimation. But the truth is, each day I am broken a little more, each day I am made more aware of my need for him, and in those moment’s while I would like to say all the frustration, and pain and depression just fly away, they don’t. What does happen is I become acutely aware of Him. Yes Him. My creator God, the one who loves me most. So, some would say, well if He loves you so much why doesn’t he just heal you? I would answer because he loves me so much. For some reason, this event was needed in my life to grow me. And yes, I hate it, every single moment of it, I hate the pain, the swelling, the stress on my family, the not working, the not working out, the challenges of just going to the store. I hate that people laugh and point at me, I hate that everything takes thought an planning. Yes I hate it.
But I am sure of this, that He is who started a good work in me is faithful to complete it. Phil 1:6 This does not mean that every day is happy and pain free, in fact it could mean that not one more of my days on earth are going to be completely happy and pain free. But it does mean, If I allow God to, he will work this out for my good. And ultimately for His glory.
The far reaching consequences of this injury and other illnesses I have had in my life are devastating, physically, emotionally and financially. But spiritually, these circumstance have the power to shape me, grow me, give me deeper understanding, compassion and insight into hurting people. It has the ability to increase my faith and dependance on God. It has the ability to teach my children through my actions and trust in God even through my frustration. Yes this has that, all the grit and grim and pain that brings out the best in us spiritually. Could God heal me? Yes. Have I asked him to? Yes. But, He alone knows what I truly need. While my flesh desires to be out of pain, walking, enjoying life again. God sees deeper into me and knows that this pain and suffering have a deeper purpose than what I can fathom now. So I will not loose hope. Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life. Psalms 13:12 My hope is in the Lord.
Everyone is fighting their own battles, mine in comparison to so many are small. But I trust that even in those moments when I just want to give up, God says, Oh there you are my girl, helpless without me, now lean on me, I got you, and I am carrying you through.
I am learning to be content. This is not an easy task but it is one I am striving for. I know it is possible because God says so.